


Who Are You And What Have You Done With My HUSBAND

by Trifoliate_undergrowth



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: 600 words of Elias being a bastard, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Nipple Piercings, OG Elias had nipple piercings and tattoos so now Jonahlias has them and uhhhh, he's here to scare James Wright's widower and show off his brand new body, hm this is like the extra spicy version of Stop Telling Everyone I'm Dead, that s it thats the fic, this is very mild and mostly just banter. the rating is just to be safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:34:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23741629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trifoliate_undergrowth/pseuds/Trifoliate_undergrowth
Summary: He had expected Peter to put the pieces together—and the frying pan down—rather quickly. That didn’t happen. He’d underestimated how much of a dumbass his husband, or technically ex-husband, was.
Relationships: Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas
Comments: 8
Kudos: 240





	Who Are You And What Have You Done With My HUSBAND

He had expected Peter to put the pieces together—and the frying pan down—rather quickly. That didn’t happen. He’d underestimated how much of a dumbass his husband, or technically ex-husband, was.

“Who the hell are you?” said Peter, still poised on the threshold of the bathroom door, holding the frying pan in front of him.

“Your husband,” said Elias simply, crossing his legs and slipping a little lower into the bathtub.

That still didn’t do it, because Peter just looked incredibly confused, offended, and frankly terrified.

“No you’re not,” he said. Then, “What are you doing in my house?”

“Well, _my_ flat is a _literal_ trash heap, so I came here to relax. I thought I’d celebrate a bit before I started trying to clean up.”

He still looked blank, so Elias sighed and threw a memory at him. Not even a particularly good one, he hadn’t thought he’d need to do this and so he hadn’t put much thought into how he would announce himself if necessary, but it seemed effective enough, because Peter stood a little straighter, relaxing out of the terrified crouch.

“James?”

“It’s Elias now, actually. I’m going to have to get used to it and it’s going to be far too distracting to have you calling me James all the time, so, Elias.”

“James. I—God. Okay.” He threw the frying pan down and took a deep, ragged breath. Wow, he really had been scared. Now that he thought about it, having an unexpected presence in his house was probably extra horrifying to Peter, of all people. His house was supposed to be an uninterrupted sanctum of isolation (except when his husband was there, then it was an uninterrupted sanctum of hypocrisy. Whatever. Each avatar worshiped in their own way.) “Couldn’t you have given me some warning?” said Peter.

“I did!” said Elias. “I mentioned last week that I was probably going to transfer soon. James was getting a bit stiff, you know. Or maybe you don’t. Did you notice?”

“You—you mentioned _last week_? I mean, yeah, I _kind of_ remember that conversation, I was mostly zoned out.”

“Hm, well, perhaps you should pay more attention when I’m speaking to you,” Elias smiled.

Peter grunted peevishly. Then, he squinted at Elias’ chest. “James…”

“It’s Elias.”

“Elias, what— _Elias_. Huh. That sounds… different, Elias what the _hell_ are those?”

“Hm? Oh, my dear, have you never seen nipple piercings before?”

“Not on _you_ , no.” they were little silver hoops shaped like a sunburst, with a triangular pattern around the outside. Peter reached out and flicked one, and Elias’ smug, reserved expression momentarily wavered. Peter didn’t seem to see it because he’d noticed the rest of Elias’ body, and was preoccupied with the tattoo on his abdomen, a saucy flame design nestled between his hips.

“Oh, like it? There’s one on the back too,” said Elias, rolling over onto his stomach to show his lower back tattoo, a matching design.

“Right,” said Peter, visibly trying to process this. “Um. Any more, uh, modifications I should know about?”

“Hmmm,” said Elias, pretending to think about it, “Well, maybe one.” He opened his mouth and Peter swore in shock. Excellent. He _knew_ it had been worth it to find an eyeball stud for this body’s tongue piercing.

“Is that real?” said Peter, idiotically, and Elias burst into laughter, slipped down in the tub and nearly choked. “Oh come on, it’s not like that would be unusual for you,” said Peter, recovering from his shock just enough to look offended. Elias, still chuckling, draped a wet hand over Peter’s.

“Join me? Your tub is a bit small, but I think I could fit you in.”

“You know, this feels like cheating. How long has James been dead?”

“Oh, less than an hour. Your late husband’s body isn’t even cold yet and already the hot-blooded divorcee is leaping into tubs with younger men.”

“Scandalous,” said Peter, shrugging off his coat.

**Author's Note:**

> *finds this with the other one* oh yeah. This was also a thing I wrote. huh.  
> it's sort of the opposite vibe to Something Old Something New


End file.
